1. |
Darling Align
03:23
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i’m a fool. aloof. i read you backwards, like we talk in upside down darling riddles. no one understands or knows or loves you like you deserve to be. our wanton star-crossed ships that sink in the night catch sail and redirect.
align in a line they were meant to be and set me free, set you free, and then we will see return and i will wait and i’m a weight and you once waited and we still wait, and no one understands a single word or who we are. you, the stranger i recognize.
tired of wanting everything from everyone i know. tired of living everywhere in places i can’t go. you’re simply a dream; someone i made into someone you’re not. somehow i know i’m wrong.
darling align.
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2. |
Aller
03:13
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maybe the way to help to polarize her is just to please help me pull her eyes out so she never sees me but for what she hopes. and my hopes will wait. the troubled are wont to do. the balance of my life hangs in the small of her back. this steady metered whisper slicing up my throat, feathering from the inside.
when i take my last breath and slip into eternity, i believe you will be the very last to remember me. i believe you will be the only one who remembers me.
i listen to your voice like you’re echoes from the dead within cautioned, concerning, concentric circles. selling your hair and looking for suicide without any trace. and there is no love because you won’t let me leave and there is no love because there will be no memory of what i have done and what i have left behind. you will find fulfillment and i won’t lay awake. we practice making the rooftops disappear. i am the thread in the rope. i am the spiral, i am the curve.
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3. |
The Great Falling Away
04:04
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you could drown yourself at your father’s house; scattered liquid thoughts of revenge. forget what i said, there is no beauty in falling down. you’re accustomed to the fall and afraid of the world, that your time has all run out and your thoughts are so swirled, and you open your eyes and sadly realize no one waits around for the man on the ground.
you’re choking.
you’re choking.
you’re choking everyone around you.
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4. |
Anchorage
03:59
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i have all the letters that i never sent you, always with me like a weight. an ungrounded anchor. every letter. every letter that says, “just let me go.”
dead walk across the sand. they drift out from my hands.
dead walk into the sea. anchors will stay with me and never let me go.
i can’t go back. i won’t go back. if i go back, the world will explode. i write love letters to sleeping pills, hoping they will do as i say. hoping they will put me away. if they let me down, please let my love help me drown. please my love help me.
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5. |
Chatoyant
04:20
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talk about saving yourself. talk about setting yourself free. looks like everything you do truly is only for you. i know you remember the one gray glimmer when there was nothing else between us but november unspoken.
that one fickle flicker when no one knew and we were safe and you never once opened your eyes. i’m hung up on a lie. stuck in an ocean of undress. landlocked murderous caress. i will never know if you’re okay.
just give me a bottle of your most bitter lies. no i don’t need a fuckin’ taster. i know what i’m into and my thirst is strong. can’t you see i’m addicted and this is what i do. you dig your own hole and fuel it with your own vice. well it just so happens that mine are your misgivings, your laugh and the way you cling to me, intoxicated, you cling to me.
i don’t believe that pills i could take or babies i’d make could ever fulfill this gap in my life. i don’t believe a woman as my wife or a friend just to confide in could settle this dulling pain.
someone’s fickle flicker and then no one knew and we were safe and you never once opened your eyes.
i will never know if you’re okay.
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6. |
Glacier
05:17
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impossible to think i disguised us as strangers. impossible to think i left this all undone. impossible to know that decisions are caging. easy to forget that our lives are glass. and i’ve mishandled both as you vanish, self-preserved, giving exactly what i deserve.
i will follow you like a flood.
i will trail you through the flood.
i see what i want through the eyes of a glacier.
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7. |
Sondera
05:58
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i’m ok. alive. my mind is clear like a london sky. i’m cool. i feel good. momentary terror at the foot of the bed. you’re not good, not bad, you’re somewhere in the middle and it’s oh so sad. there’s no spark, no life. shutting down a promise to the left and the right.
immovable. it’s a study but a killing machine.
impenetrable. i cannot live with this dark, pregnant sky sitting still across my mind. every time your name drifts by, “be not exist, or be too real.”
there there, sweet girl, you can walk all over anyone that you want. and that’s all. everyone is waiting just to watch how you fall. i used the reserves you left behind to find some sort of peace of mind.
i will follow the fire. but i can’t watch you stay in your still waters.
i want to see what you can’t see.
you’re a step away from the hell that vanity fathers. here’s to learning to canonize more than yourself and your black clothes. is that blood i taste or just god’s grace, or another violent longing for your black face. i bet you think that would take your mind away or maybe destroy me just a little more well i say, you’d be right, you’d be right.
we really meant it, didn’t we.
i still believe in the delusion that this is the end. a child waves to me like it’s familiar again. and blank, the umbilical noose has finally severed as if gravity lost its pull. i become minuscule in your eye. desperately reaching for anything else. vaporized; weightless. spinning into the ether. vanished; forgotten. still spinning. we really meant it didn’t we. i have picked up the wall, bled through all of saul, just to wait out to reach you. sitting and waiting to try to remember. there’s a person, there’s a beating, there’s a resonance waiting. there is something just so simple if i’d open my eyes. “but the size i can’t tell you” he denies all we’ve been through. we meant all of it. didn’t we? so little left of all of me. what a way to sign right out. you would laugh softly, stupid and uncomfortable.
we really meant it, didn’t we.
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8. |
Henry's End
04:30
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i don't need an exit, just a little control. it's not as clockwork as you think it is...
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9. |
Failing To The Pulse
03:55
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why are we bathing in waste, in shadows, in the arms of a lover who never was there, frozen in time. a beating; delirious. failing to the pulse of a single note.
slide with me all away and again and
all contrived from mute celebrations.
and succumb to the sleet and the luck
all derived from the lost invitations.
i can promise that we’ll always be here but the strangeness and the surrender, it will murmur in the rhythm to the sound of our feet walking away. failing to the pulse of a single note, we’re failing to the pulse of one single.
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10. |
Lighthouse For The Blind
04:53
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we round up and bind together. in your memory, you are forever - strangely brings us so much closer. you are the glue that will hold us; you are the salt, earth and walls. the escape; none of us. you are the bond that unfolds us; the gold, the love that molds us. you are the strength, the weight, the vanish.
breaking apart from my one-word existence. live and push to enable the distance. strengthen my heart and witch hunt the start of an end to the fog; a reclamation of time. and all that it is and all it shall be henceforth is mine; they gave up watching. all you can do is reach back inside and just pull through. mirrors look back if you stare long enough. if you don’t believe that, then what do you have? a lighthouse for the blind. the ring on your finger shines like a lighthouse for the blind.
nor love from desire divide love from the obvious - swollen minutes; detach, face the class. set yourself free from unforgiving voices, cradles and lead. the fear that invades is the very last time you will see me will be the worst i can be.
(the ring on your finger shines like a lighthouse for the blind)
you gathered the stones and fled before i could even argue. i cripple in this cradled crime, i sever in this selfish sieve, i misplace lust in hopes to forgive. so much of what you say beads like water on my anodized memory. i did everything right to push you far away from me.
(the ring on your finger shines like a lighthouse for the blind)
i just wanted to convince you. i just wanted to remove the gauze from your eyes that's caked in formaldehyde and in what people think of you.
oh, what people think of you...
the ring on your finger shines like a lighthouse for the blind
oh helen you knew the truth...
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11. |
Keta
03:29
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i know when you think of me in your slicing memory it’s just a fogged out, sepia, burning cloud of animosity, fear, and sudden death. unexplainable, irreplaceable determined drive to change your life.
fogged out, sepia, acrid cloud of inverted reflections and sincere doubt.
i think i see you somewhere out there and you’re smiling at me. wondering just how far i need to swim to reach you. i think i see you somewhere out there and you’re laughing at me. wondering just how strong the undertow is so i’d miss you.
i don’t want to rethread a wing just so i still feel something...
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